Monday, February 08, 2010

Katrina Bowl

Ok, so we're all really happy that the Saints won the Hype-er Bowl this year. Everyone, that is, except the folks from Indianapolis. I really was hoping thay'd win inspite of the fact that foopbaw rates a very poor third behind a couple of other games that can be played 'pon a carpet.

I just have one little niggling problem: why is it that every--literally EVERY news or sports story about this game and this team never failed to mention how a win for the Saints would do wonders for the folks in N'Awlins trying to recover from Hurricane Katrina.


Hurricane Katrina, for those with memories de-enhanced by children's prisons, happened almost four-and-a-half years ago. Four-and-a-half years! Get over it!

South Florida had a class three or four hurricane every two or threee years. Typically, they're rebuilt in a few months, and saying it's worth the nuisance to live in such a wonderful place.

Folks equally devastated in coastal areas along the gulf coast of Mississippi and Alabama got relatively little news coverage, very little disaster aid (by comparison) and rebuilt and resumed their lives within a few months.

Four-and-a-half years after N'Awlins' first bad hurricane in recent decades, and there, it seems, has been little or no recovery yet.

To be fair, N'Awlins had a really bad break in the criminal mismanagement of disaster aid by local, state and federal relief agancies, for which literally dozens, maybe hundreds of local, state and federal officials should be taken out to the nearest concrete wall and shot. Literally.

Also, to be fair, a majority of the voters in N'Awlins deserve the hard times they managed to survive for having the suicidal stupidity to re-elect that profoundly inept thievin' idiot they have the incredibly poor judgement to have called Mayor. But for the few thousand remaining productive individuals in that fair city, who certainly voted to give the dunderhead Mayor Nagin a lift from the pointy tip of their boot, not only out of N'Awlins, but out of existence.

The hurricane was only the bare beginning of their problems.

Government defines incompetence.

Warm regards,

Col. Hogan
Stalag California

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally

Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

For more on this story, check with the ultimate hoax busting site to track late-breaking developments.


Warm regards,

Col. Hogan
Stalag Californis