Sunday, July 09, 2006

A New Global Climate Crisis

Scientists are beginning, as more and more evidence piles up, that the real global crisis we face is not global warming, or even global cooling.

It's Global Climate Stagnation.

Scientists are gradually coming to the conclusion that, as our methods of measuring such things become increasingly sophisticated, that the world's climate isn't actually changing at all. Whenever it gets hot and sultry here, there's a complimentary cool and windy period there. Where it's dry in Arizona, it's very wet in the Yucatan. When the ice cap melts in the Arctic, it gets colder in the Antarctic.

Animal species are dying off, becoming extinct. Ecologists say it's because of the encroachment of man into their habitat. Not so, say zoologists. Animal species are dying of boredom.

We don't have chinooks any more. Never heard of a chinook? A hot, dry west wind across the Canadian Rockies that turns winter to summer for a day or two, melting the snow and making the trees think it's spring? I guess they still happen occasionally in Saskatchewan, but I recall a couple of them from my childhood in North Dakota. Not in the past fifty years!

Global Climate stagnation.

Ever see a second story door on a farmhouse in Manitoba or North Dakota? A door with no stairs to the ground? Sometimes the snow would pile up that high, and folks used that door to walk out of their houses. Not any more. Of course, that much snow is more curse than blessing, but it's an indicator that the climate is getting more mundane.

Global climate stagnation.

The Northern Lights? Aurora Borealis? The phenomenon still happens in Alaska, Norway, probably northern Canada and other near-arctic regions. We used to see it fairly often in the northwestern states.

We are having more hurricanes and tornadoes than in the recent past. Some think that's a prelude to the deterioration of the Gulf Stream. This would normalize weather in the British Isles and Scandinavia, with the rest of the world at those latitudes.

Global climate stagnation.

We won't like it. Do you think your teenagers are complaining of being bored now? Wait until even the weather is predictable as the phases of the moon.

Global Climate Stagnation could be the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel fine.

They've killed Freedom! Those bastards!

Warm regards,

Col. Hogan
Stalag California


ethne said...

I remember there being a nice Northern Light show about three years ago, but the sad thing is that by the time I got someplace dark enough to view it - the sky clouded over. :(

Col. Hogan said...

Too bad. They're wonderful!